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IAMSOSORRYGUYSFORTHATLASTDEPRESSINGJOURNAL
So I am NOT giving up!
Recently I have been going through some serious depressing stages. Although I've been hired by my church on a commission to do the nursery and my parents have been super supportive of me... Honestly? I've lost a lot of faith in myself. The endless cycle of Babysitting->Cook->School work->Bed->Babysitting Is really something that makes me lose touch with my art and my dreams. Even more so the lack of support on others has really just... well. It leaves me a little scared of my future. Just reading a story of some graphic designers who thought they could get far and didn't really breaks your heart and makes you want to crawl back into the corner and never come out.
Well. Trust me. I'm wanting to do that very badly still... But events that took place yesterday scared me into never saying that I'll give up again.
For those who don't know- I have turned my life over to Christ, and so any religious comments and or beliefs in this I do verily happy say bear with.
While working on my project in the nursery, I spilled my heart out to my sister saying that this was my last work. That after this I was quitting art and going to return my focus into the military. My sister was shocked and after arguing with me for an hour left me to myself. I was set on going- set on my plans.
Then a woman walks into the nursery. I had never seen her before, so low and behold when she suddenly whipped out a business card and started talking to me about my artwork: i was pretty freaked out! I politely answered her questions and finally she told me she wanted to offer me a 12 month job with a children's ministry team making props and tee shirts: Videos etc: I burst into tears. Immediately after I was so sure that this wasn't for me and that I couldn't get anywhere in art... I'm offered a job. It was like God looking down at me, pointing an accusing finger that shouted "I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET SERENA FAITH THANE."
So you know what? I'm not done yet. I'm going to continue with my goals. Even if none of my watches pay attention to me: I pray that you look down at your news feed and stop to read this. Stop to take time and pay attention to this miracle. Make this a sign for those who have given up on their dreams to keep going... because you just might not know what could happen if you do!
So I am NOT giving up!
Recently I have been going through some serious depressing stages. Although I've been hired by my church on a commission to do the nursery and my parents have been super supportive of me... Honestly? I've lost a lot of faith in myself. The endless cycle of Babysitting->Cook->School work->Bed->Babysitting Is really something that makes me lose touch with my art and my dreams. Even more so the lack of support on others has really just... well. It leaves me a little scared of my future. Just reading a story of some graphic designers who thought they could get far and didn't really breaks your heart and makes you want to crawl back into the corner and never come out.
Well. Trust me. I'm wanting to do that very badly still... But events that took place yesterday scared me into never saying that I'll give up again.
For those who don't know- I have turned my life over to Christ, and so any religious comments and or beliefs in this I do verily happy say bear with.
While working on my project in the nursery, I spilled my heart out to my sister saying that this was my last work. That after this I was quitting art and going to return my focus into the military. My sister was shocked and after arguing with me for an hour left me to myself. I was set on going- set on my plans.
Then a woman walks into the nursery. I had never seen her before, so low and behold when she suddenly whipped out a business card and started talking to me about my artwork: i was pretty freaked out! I politely answered her questions and finally she told me she wanted to offer me a 12 month job with a children's ministry team making props and tee shirts: Videos etc: I burst into tears. Immediately after I was so sure that this wasn't for me and that I couldn't get anywhere in art... I'm offered a job. It was like God looking down at me, pointing an accusing finger that shouted "I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET SERENA FAITH THANE."
So you know what? I'm not done yet. I'm going to continue with my goals. Even if none of my watches pay attention to me: I pray that you look down at your news feed and stop to read this. Stop to take time and pay attention to this miracle. Make this a sign for those who have given up on their dreams to keep going... because you just might not know what could happen if you do!
Reflecting
I cant lie, this is probably my second time putting this into words. It is one o'clock in the morning, eastern standard time. Im a night owl at heart, and the soft snores of my roommate that shake the bed are a comfortable reminder of safety at this point. Eight months of college are at their end as I approach a long four month summer break. This, without a doubt, is terrifying.
For those of you who have followed me for the better (or worse, take it as you see it) part of my existence on deviantart, it is no surprise to hear that I battle with mild depression and very severe anxiety. I am 5'4" and very pudgy around the middle. My hair is ab
Given up
The truth is, I am slowly starting to loose grip on my dream...
I really want to become a graphic designer, infect ive been very hopeful for it. But sometimes as im sketching, the thought tickles the back of my mind...
"What if I can't make it?"
The world is full of amazing, awesome artists. Just scrolling through devientart on a good day, and you can see it everywhere. So looking at my art, I really question if what I'm doing has any meaning. If I can even make it. Its disheartening.... honestly.
The lack of notifications or favorites on my news feed makes it even worse... Plus the last few commissions ive done has ended in being jacke
Oh ho oh ho a senior's life for me.
Aha! The peak of my high school career has arrived and is now here! Senior year!
I am totally not scared.
Okay thats the biggest lie ever. I'm completely scared.
I've been allowed to continue living with this family, even further along the road I am allowed to graduate with this adopted family! Whoo! They have been completely supportive with me, always encouraging me to get better and be stronger. Its a dream come true honestly. I've even decided to do something I never thought i would. I'm giving up the military to pursue art school.
I know I'm not the best artist, even more I'm kinda scared I won't make it. But I really hope that I
Fear
Sorry for not posting lately, once again school season is catching up to me and beating me up with a 10 foot long meter stick. And, im really scared.
Im scared because i've been alerted that this fantasy world I was allowed to live in for 6 months is going to be ripped away form me, that im moving back in once again with my mothers under court of law. This fantasy was so sweet and so perfect that I allusion myself into believing it would last. that i would, or could stay here until I was 18. But this is not the case, because of some errors on DCF (department of children and families) part, I am being forced to return to my mother's are. Jus
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