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The truth is, I am slowly starting to loose grip on my dream...
I really want to become a graphic designer, infect ive been very hopeful for it. But sometimes as im sketching, the thought tickles the back of my mind...
"What if I can't make it?"
The world is full of amazing, awesome artists. Just scrolling through devientart on a good day, and you can see it everywhere. So looking at my art, I really question if what I'm doing has any meaning. If I can even make it. Its disheartening.... honestly.
The lack of notifications or favorites on my news feed makes it even worse... Plus the last few commissions ive done has ended in being jacked for art that no one pays for... I don't even see why I bother anymore...
I really want to become a graphic designer, infect ive been very hopeful for it. But sometimes as im sketching, the thought tickles the back of my mind...
"What if I can't make it?"
The world is full of amazing, awesome artists. Just scrolling through devientart on a good day, and you can see it everywhere. So looking at my art, I really question if what I'm doing has any meaning. If I can even make it. Its disheartening.... honestly.
The lack of notifications or favorites on my news feed makes it even worse... Plus the last few commissions ive done has ended in being jacked for art that no one pays for... I don't even see why I bother anymore...
Reflecting
I cant lie, this is probably my second time putting this into words. It is one o'clock in the morning, eastern standard time. Im a night owl at heart, and the soft snores of my roommate that shake the bed are a comfortable reminder of safety at this point. Eight months of college are at their end as I approach a long four month summer break. This, without a doubt, is terrifying.
For those of you who have followed me for the better (or worse, take it as you see it) part of my existence on deviantart, it is no surprise to hear that I battle with mild depression and very severe anxiety. I am 5'4" and very pudgy around the middle. My hair is ab
So uh- NOT GIVING UP! YEAH :D
IAMSOSORRYGUYSFORTHATLASTDEPRESSINGJOURNAL
So I am NOT giving up!
Recently I have been going through some serious depressing stages. Although I've been hired by my church on a commission to do the nursery and my parents have been super supportive of me... Honestly? I've lost a lot of faith in myself. The endless cycle of Babysitting->Cook->School work->Bed->Babysitting Is really something that makes me lose touch with my art and my dreams. Even more so the lack of support on others has really just... well. It leaves me a little scared of my future. Just reading a story of some graphic designers who thought they could get far and
Oh ho oh ho a senior's life for me.
Aha! The peak of my high school career has arrived and is now here! Senior year!
I am totally not scared.
Okay thats the biggest lie ever. I'm completely scared.
I've been allowed to continue living with this family, even further along the road I am allowed to graduate with this adopted family! Whoo! They have been completely supportive with me, always encouraging me to get better and be stronger. Its a dream come true honestly. I've even decided to do something I never thought i would. I'm giving up the military to pursue art school.
I know I'm not the best artist, even more I'm kinda scared I won't make it. But I really hope that I
Fear
Sorry for not posting lately, once again school season is catching up to me and beating me up with a 10 foot long meter stick. And, im really scared.
Im scared because i've been alerted that this fantasy world I was allowed to live in for 6 months is going to be ripped away form me, that im moving back in once again with my mothers under court of law. This fantasy was so sweet and so perfect that I allusion myself into believing it would last. that i would, or could stay here until I was 18. But this is not the case, because of some errors on DCF (department of children and families) part, I am being forced to return to my mother's are. Jus
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Comments4
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Never ever stop drawing art
It may be years, but you WILL get better.
The thing is, you have to try different things.
Don't like drawing the hands? Draw them anyway. Don't like drawing feet? Draw them anyways.
Something you can do is find and artist you really like. Draw that same picture. As long as you don't put it on the internet you'll be okay.
But you have to draw. If you quit, it'll be even harder to pick back up.
If you'd like
I can send a note or something with links to a lot of great references. Only if you want me to though.
It may be years, but you WILL get better.
The thing is, you have to try different things.
Don't like drawing the hands? Draw them anyway. Don't like drawing feet? Draw them anyways.
Something you can do is find and artist you really like. Draw that same picture. As long as you don't put it on the internet you'll be okay.
But you have to draw. If you quit, it'll be even harder to pick back up.
If you'd like
I can send a note or something with links to a lot of great references. Only if you want me to though.